Sorry I'm Super Awkward

As many of you know, I have never been the most social person. If you're surprised by that statement, you probably fit into the three categories of people I can communicate effectively with: kids, 1-2+ generations older than me, and animals (yes, animals count). Even then, I have my moments. People in my generation- I'm sorry.  I am SO sorry.

Me and this little dude understand each other.

Before coming to the Netherlands this year, I wrote down some small goals I wanted to accomplish. One of the most important ones was something along the lines of "make more connections and put real effort into being a good friend."

Regarding that goal, working within my host family has been a breeze! Kids, parents a generation older than me, and a dog. Check, check and check. However, I don't know if you read my last post, but one of the biggest factors of life here so far is the fact that there are so. many. au pairs.  A.K.A an entire part of the population who I haven't been in close contact with for about three years.

Just a brief reminder for all you outsiders:

I left University in 2012, worked in a retirement home, traveled a bit, and then spent over a year working as a nanny for a ton of different families, all at once. BAM. Last three years in a sentence.

With so many opportunities to reach out and connect with other young people, I would have to be intentionally mean to not be able to reach my goal. But most of the young people who come to the Amsterdam area are young people I would never really pick out as friends for myself. Let's just say, I am realizing more and more how much of a nerd I really am.

Four weeks in, and I am constantly faced with more internal turmoil than I've ever faced in my life. And I've ran ultra marathons, people.

That is the question.

For the first week, it was overwhelming how many social outings I was invited to. All of the sudden I actually have to turn down social invitations, not because I want to just stay in for the night, but because I was already committed to other social outings.

And even though I'm writing this post I can't say I've come to any mountain of intelligence, or to a three-word catch phrase of wisdom to pass onto you regarding the do's and don't of social life. I guess I'm writing this all down just to make it known. I'm trying, and it's hard, but I'm trying. For the most part, I think this whole experience has been very good for me. And my social life. I guess I'm facing my fears, just in different ways than I thought I was going to. I never really knew that connecting with people intentionally might actually be one of my biggest fears.

Although I don't have mindful catchphrase or anything close to that this week, I do have a few big things I've learned. Here they are:

1. Always make sure you have a wingman (or wingwoman). That you can trust. That knows more than you. Be safe, man.

2. Practice saying "yes" and "no" and being generally straight-foward with people (Some intelligent people call this alien practice "setting boundaries"). Especially if you work in an industry like mine, where lines are really blurred between "professional" and "personal." Unfortunately, this is a skill I need to practice more in friendship than my professional life right now.

3. Never stop facing those fears. Don't be intimidated by your own ignorance/stupidity (I'm throwing that out there hoping I'm not alone). Keep your chin up and learn how to laugh at yourself.

A sense of humor is essential. Even if it's cheesy like mine :3

As proof to encourage all you fellow socially awkward and introverted people, here's an awesome story:

First time riding the train here in Holland. Buying a ticket, learning which train to catch, I even got lost trying to find the station (which is a five-minute bike ride from my house). After finding the station, I approached the ticket machine with my heart pounding out of my chest. Pressed "English." Aaaaand I was lost. No idea what to do. There was even two people behind me! 

Luckily, I turned around with my most innocent and sorry-I'm-a-stupid-American smile and actually asked, "Can you help me? I have no idea what I'm doing."

After wrestling a ticket out of the machine, I struck up conversation with the two people who happened to be a couple behind me:

"Where are you headed?" -Insanely Nice Couple.

"Amsterdam!"- Stupid American (me).

"Us too! We'll show you which trains to go on."- Insanely Nice Couple.

"Wow! Thank you! Where are you guys going in Amsterdam?" -Ignorant American (me).

"Museum park. You?" -Insanely Nice Couple.

"Whoa, me too!"- Uncultured American (me).

"Can you imagine that? Why don't you join us?"- Insanely Nice Couple.

And this couple proceeded to lead me around Amsterdam, buy me lunch, coffee, dinner and desert, and taught me how to get a tram/train card and a museum pass. Two weeks later, and I just had coffee with them. And was invited to a concert he's playing in a few weeks. 

See fellow socially awkward people- it's really worth putting yourself out there!

I have survived. Almost a month now. Even though I'm socially awkward, I've actually managed to make some friends. I've even started putting real effort in being connected over here, joining a gym and a church and maybe even an art group. Speaking of art, I'll keep you posted as soon as I manage to join whichever class/school I'll be enrolling in.

Some highlights, or big events, of the last week include Dutch pancakes (YUM), catching a Dutch cold (YUCK), and visiting such far-off places as Hilversum, Narden, Amersfoort, and Utrecht. I really like Utrecht, otherwise known as the "University city" of Holland. Oh! I also visited two more museums: the Van Gogh Museum and the Stedelijk Museum. I'm also busy planning my first week-long vacation that's coming up at the end of this month! Paris, anyone? Maybe Belgium too? Germany?

Thanks for tuning in this week friends, I'm so glad you've managed to stick around despite my best attempts at being the most awkward person you know.

Tot ziens! (Dutch for "see you later")